what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
