and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
