Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize