wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
