I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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