I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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