wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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