lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize