He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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