Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
