I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize