Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
