I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
