just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
