the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
