I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
