would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize