I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
