How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
