Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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