every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
