Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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