He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
