omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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