3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
