I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
