just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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