highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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