You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's shark week go big or go home
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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