What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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