I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
