dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
