I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
