There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
