By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Randomize
