My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
