FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
try to milk me bitch
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