I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
This baby is an asshole
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize