i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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