perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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