the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
