I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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