im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
