she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
