69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
