She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
