My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
