: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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