Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
