Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
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