just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
