Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
