First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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