WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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