There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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