We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
