Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
