Hey man sorry I got all grabby
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize