Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
