We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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