Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize