He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
