Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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