I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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