I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
