Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
