Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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