I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
