I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
