I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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