Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
