some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
