conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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