I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
