cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
